101 Ways To Kill Will LaMontange
by sugarhigh9394
Summary: Title explains all. 101 drabbles of Will's demise. This is pure ridiculousness. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is what happens when Will hating goes on on Facebook. My muse decided to kill Will, repeatedly. So, here it is, the first two of 101 Ways To Kill Will LaMontange. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Criminal Minds, Will would have never been seen after Season 2.**

#1 – Hit By A Wrecking Ball (suggested by Jekkah)

Will LaMontange was having a good day. He was done with his paperwork, so he had time to walk to the deli for lunch. Usually, he would ask his wife, Jennifer Jareau, to go with him, but today he was going to be selfish. So, he crossed the street and headed past the construction zone next to the deli. Suddenly, he heard yelling behind him. Startled, he turned around to see a wrecking ball headed straight for him. His last thoughts were _This is going to hurt. _

#2 - Flowerpot falls out of window, hits him on head (suggested by whimsical-one-ga)

Will LaMontange walked down the street, his duffel bag in hand. His wife, Jennifer, had found out about his girlfriend, and his girlfriend had found out about his wife. He had been thrown out of both homes, after getting smacked twice. His worst nightmare had come true when his mistress and his wife teamed up to make his life a living hell. Knowing Jen, she would have already called Technology Extraordinaire Penelope Garcia, so his life was over anyway. So, it as a good thing that an elderly lady happened to knock her flowerpot out of her window just as he was walking under it. He never knew anything more.

**AN: Oh, goodness. What have I done!? I need more ideas, so review! **


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Wow, you guys! Your ideas are all fantabulous! I will use as many as I can :) I may end up with more than 101... I can always change the title :) Thank you to whiteswan, Zeny, jekkah, Whatif-ifonly, Classical E. Centric, Coydog22 (if you wish to imagine Seaver instead of Will in these situations, be my guest. I don't judge :)) 1701bg, and ImmortalMissRaven for your reviews!**

**Now, let the goofiness ensue!**

#3 - Gets run over by a tour bus at the airport leaving for the honeymoon (suggested by Whatif-ifonly)

As JJ and Will got off of the plane in Fiji, they were excited for their honeymoon. Well, one of them was. JJ was sick and tired of Will being jealous of her and Spencer's friendship. That's all he talked about for the _entire flight_.

"For goodness sake Will! I married you!"

"That doesn't matter JJ! It didn't matter to me!" Will realized he had just dug his own grave.

"What did you just say? You CHEATED ON ME!?" JJ screeched, shoving Will as she did so. Unfortunately for Will (or maybe fortunately, considering JJ was known to shoot where it counts), he tripped over a suitcase and directly into the path of a large tour bus. He didn't stand a chance.

#4 – suggested by SkyleafAlchemist19 (AKA my little sister) I won't tell you what it is. You'll know :)

Will was walking down the street, minding his own business. He helped an elderly lady put groceries in her car, and continued on his way. He was avoiding going home, because he just felt like it. Suddenly, he was squished by a large green thing, killed instantly.

Captain America looked on in horror and said

"Hulk, _why_ did you do that?"

The response was

"HULK SMASH UGLY MAN!"

**AN: Hope I didn't kill you all... I almost died writing this... review please! More ideas are welcome as well! (hint hint)**


	3. Chapter 3

#5 – Toilet falling from sky (suggested by ImmortalMissRaven)

Partially inspired by the TV series _Dead Like Me_, which I do not own. (for those of you unfamiliar with the show, basically it is a show about Grim Reapers that starred Mandy Patinkin. Oh, and AJ Cook guest starred in it. That's how they met! Cool, huh?)

Will was playing football with his buddies. He may have told his wife Jennifer a little white lie about having to do enormous amounts of paperwork. Big Deal. Shaking thoughts of his wife out of his head, he ran towards the makeshift end-zone to catch the ball.

"Touchdown!" Will yelled, spiking the ball downward

Suddenly, he was struck in the head with a large white object. As he fell to the ground, one of his buddies ran over to him.

"He's _dead_!" he said shakily

"What _was_ that?" asked another

"Uh, guys?" said a third "It's a toilet."

#6 – Gets Avada Kedavra-d by Voldemort (suggested by Nymphadora-CullenBAU)

An extremely intoxicated Will LaMontange was walking through the woods. As he walked, he heard several voices off to his left. Curious, he stumbled towards them. He came to a clearing, and was shocked to see dozens of people in long black robes. The one in the center was bald and appeared to have no nose.

"What the HELL?!"

Will's shout startled no-nose, who turned around and stared straight at Will.

"What is this? A Muggle?" he sneered, pointing what appeared to be a stick at Will.

"Watch who you're calling names, no-nose! Quit pointing that stick at me. Whadda ya gonna do, poke me with it?" Will drawled drunkenly.

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME!" screeched no-nose "I AM LORD VOLDEMORT!"

"Lord Moldywart?" asked Will

"No, you imbecile. Voldemort!"

"Moldywart?"

"Voldemort!"

"That's what I said. Moldywart. It suits you, you look like a moldy wart."

"I have had it with your stupidity! AVADA KEDAVRA!"

The last thing Will saw was a flash of green light.

**AN: Review please! And keep those ideas coming!**


	4. Chapter 4

#7 - Getting hit by a car while jay-walking across the street (suggested by Classical E. Centric)

Will was walking down the street. He saw his girlfriend (don't tell his wife JJ!) at the cafe across the street, so he decided to go and see her. Unfortunately for him, he forgot to look both ways, and was run over by a tractor trailer, driven by Sean Hotchner.

The best part? His 'girlfriend' was at the cafe with her boyfriend.

#8 - Rossi sets the mob on him (suggested by whiteswan)

Will sat at a bar, drinking the night away. He really didn't care how drunk he got. He had finally filed for divorce from his wife, Jennifer. When she had called him, crying, asking why, he said:

"Because my girlfriend is better in bed than you."

And that had been the end of that conversation.

Later, Will left the bar, drunker than a skunk. As he walked into an alley, he noticed two people approaching him.

"Will LaMontange?" one asked

"Yeah, what's it to you?" Will sneered

"A friend of our boss has an issue with you." the second said, while stepping towards Will.

"Oh, really? I don't know anyone who has an issue with me."

"You hurt a woman that he sees as a daughter. That cannot be allowed." the first man said, taking out a baseball bat.

"You think I'm scared of you? I'm Will Lamontange, Jr!"

What Will didn't see was a third person behind him.

"You should be scared." the third man said as he punched Will in the face.

Later, Daid Rossi got a phone call.

"Rossi."

"It's done."

"Thanks, Tony."

"No problem. That little weasel won't be bothering anybody anymore."

Rossi hung up his phone and smiled. Now, could set JJ and Hotch up on that date...

**AN: Please review and keep sending those awesome ideas!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Important AN at the end :)**

#9 – Slips on banana peel and breaks neck (suggested by Jekkah)

Will LaMontange was strolling down the street, too busy texting his girlfriend on his smartphone to watch where he was walking. Unfortunately for him, the garbage man happened to drop a banana peel when picking up the trash. So, Will stepped right on it. His feet flew out from under him, and he landed on his head, snapping his neck instantly. Which was kind of lucky for him, because a few minutes later, his smartphone blinked with a new text message from his girlfriend.

HI SWEETIE. I JUST MET YOUR WIFE... SHE SEEMS REALLY NICE, ESPECIALLY FOR AN ANGRY FBI AGENT! YOU COULD HAVE MENTIONED HER AND YOUR SON TO ME, IT WOULD HAVE MADE BREAKING UP WITH YOU EASIER. ROT IN HELL, YOU SLIMEBALL!

* * *

#10 – Trampled by Black Friday Shoppers (suggested by Nymphadora-Cullen BAU)

Will hated shopping. Especially on Black Friday. But, he _REALLY _wanted a new phone for a decent price, so his wife wouldn't find out about his girlfriend and two other children. So, he stood at the front of the line at Walmart, waiting for the doors to open. However, as soon as the door opened, the stampede began. Will tried to keep up in the crowd, but he tripped on the edge of the carpet and fell on his face. By the time the mass of people cleared, Will LaMontange was no more, flattened by people looking for the bargain of the century.

**Please review! More ideas are always welcome (HINT HINT WINK WINK)**

**Hope you enjoyed :)**

**AN: MAJORLY IMPORTANT!**

**I have updated my author bio with tons of information, including info about the Criminal Minds fan page ****that I, along with fellow authors Rogue Storm, Classic E. Centric, and Leila Grant, are ****running on Facebook! There are dozens of us authors over there, so feel free to come and join the fun! All of the information and links are in my profile :)**


End file.
